we have officially lost it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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