Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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