the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Randomize
