Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
