Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize