She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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