Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
