i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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