i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I believe in your delicious
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize
