I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
