I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
