I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
