Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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