STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
