I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
