She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
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