im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
