no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
