how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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