So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i think i just lost a toe
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