Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
