don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize