so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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