Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
