I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
