what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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