She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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