My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
