So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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