Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Pants are for mortals
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize