All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Drunk is not a location!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize