guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
