wanna go halves on a baby?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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