guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
