well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize