wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Randomize
