can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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