Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
