there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
