You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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