I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
