I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Randomize
