do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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