my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
