Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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