Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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