My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
