i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
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