I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
