just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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