so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
