Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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