im six kinds of drunk right now
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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