what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
