Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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