Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
