We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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