I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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