p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
