I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize