based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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