ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
