I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
