no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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