I need help removing her.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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