Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize