Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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