Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Two words: nipple clamps
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