Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize