WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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