Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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