"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
birth control should be required to get into college
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
